Perfectionists Across Generations Differ
Nowadays, we obsess over generational differences and regularly conflate them with typical lifecycle changes. Still, among my clients, I see some clear patterns that are related to their life experiences, which, of course, have generational aspects. More specifically, I can see how working with perfectionists across generations differs. And, this has a bearing on the content of our coaching sessions.
How Does Perfectionism Show Up With My Coaching Clients
Who’s The Perfectionist
I’ve noticed that perfectionist tendencies are more prevalent in, but not limited to, clients who are intellectuals, professionals, and, in general, more educated. This group is particularly goal- and performance-oriented. Thus, it’s not surprising that they focus on meeting particular standards, e.g., definitions of perfection.
However, for some people, this orientation becomes problematic and even dysfunctional in some cases. The latter are best treated by therapists. Coaches and even self-care can help those with milder forms of perfectionism (see more on the choice of therapy or coaching).
What Are Common Perfectionists’ Issues
It isn’t always obvious at first that perfectionism is an issue for a client. But, with a bit of digging, it becomes evident that it’s an underlying driver of the problem they said they wanted to address.
These clients typically start off complaining about stress and overwork, procrastination, being stuck or trapped, or feeling frustrated and demoralized. Frequently, clients believe their problem stems from someone else’s behavior: it’s their shortcomings or the effect they have on the client’s success or happiness.
The most common indicators of underlying perfectionism in these instances are inflexible thinking, negative self-judgment, and self-criticism. In general, this kind of reasoning creates mental blocks and gets in the way of the client’s personal fulfillment. In addition, fear of failure and harsh critiques from others can stymie their ability to authentically define intentions for themselves, prioritize among options, and take action.
Evidence That Perfectionists Differ Across Generations
Types of Perfectionists
One way a pair of research psychologists (Curran and Hill) categorize perfectionists is according to the source or reference point from which they derive their ideas and beliefs about what is perfect.
Their three types of perfectionists are:
- self-oriented perfectionists who are driven by their own self-imposed impossible standards,
- socially prescribed perfectionists who seek approval from others who they believe are harshly judging them, and
- other-oriented perfectionists who impose unrealistic standards on others and harshly judge them for not fulfilling the standards.
Interestingly, perfectionists of certain generations cluster into particular categories.
Self-Described Perfectionists
Psychtests.com published findings from a study of self-selected respondents who self-described themselves according to a preset group of perfectionist attributes. Implicit sample selection and measurement issues aside, their results point to some interesting and plausible distinctions across generations.
Younger generations (Y and Z) were more likely to fall into the socially oriented category as compared to baby boomers, who strongly aligned with the self-oriented group. Generation Xers are in the middle.
Compared to boomers, younger respondents were much more concerned about what their families, partners, and others thought. They also said that they were only proud of themselves if others recognized their accomplishments. Excessive attention and deference to social media were seen as likely influences. In sum, younger perfectionists orient themselves according to external cues, while baby boomer perfectionists are guided by excessively demanding personally defined ideas and beliefs.
Implications For Coaches And Other Service Providers
Every coaching situation is different. Still, the research findings and my experience suggest some approaches are likely to be more helpful in similar circumstances or with similar clients.
All other things being equal, working with a baby boomer perfectionist is likely to be more straightforward than with a millennial because there are fewer variables at play and less external influence. For example, thought work is apt to be more productive and sustainable with a boomer than a millennial. The boomer is more likely to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and to feel personal gratification for their progress without the need for external recognition.
Compared to a millennial, the progress of a boomer client is less likely to regress once they leave a session because they engage less with social media, and are more directly responsible for the thoughts that guide them.
It’s important to consider the type of approach and expected timeline when working with perfectionists of different generations. Younger clients tend to be more enmeshed in social cues and rewards, which in itself creates additional challenges and implies potentially more gradual progress.
For Help With Perfectionism, Consider These Options:
- My related blogs such as:
- Virtual and in-person Staff Development Workshop such as Releasing Limiting Beliefs To Improve Performance
- Workplace Coaching sessions
Or contact me
