So you’re aware of your self-image and self-identity. But, what are the chances you think you have an accurate sense of self or self-concept when you don’t? One source says it’s very likely. Dr Tasha Eurich in her new book, states that while 95 percent of people claim to be self-aware, only 10-15 percent of them fit the standard psychologists’ criteria for self-awareness.
These numbers are worrying because having a strong sense of self, also known as a self-concept, depends on being self-aware. Furthermore, a clear self-concept is important for facing life’s challenges, defining your goals, and navigating by your own North Star.
If you’re concerned that you could be among the deluded ones, take a moment to review this guide on how to develop your sense of self. In addition, learn how it differs from self-image or self-identity; two measures of personal identity that people tend to be more attuned to.
Defining the Self
People, and even subject experts, use different definitions for common terms associated with self-assessments such as self-identity or self-concept. They also use them interchangeably. This creates some confusion.
This is an important point because self-assessments differ depending on the type and source of information used to form the assessment. For example, impressions gleaned from within differ from those derived from external sources such as family members, friends, colleagues, social media, and other types of social engagement. Therefore, the choice of assessment process has significant implications on how you see yourself, make decisions, and live your life.
To elaborate and clarify how a person typically develops and uses these different concepts of the self, let’s start by defining several and highlighting key differences among them.
Definition of the Self
The self is “… a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others …” In other words, it’s an inward-oriented evaluation of yourself and how you distinguish yourself from others.
Self-Image Definition
Self-Image is the most self-explanatory, concrete, and consistently applied term. In simple terms, it means your self-perception or mental image. It derives from readily apparent characteristics and titles such as height, weight, style, attractiveness, profession, etc.
Essentially a social construct, your self-image tells you how you project yourself to others and how others view you. Your self-image tells you whether others find you admirable, desirable, acceptable, or unacceptable. It reflects how the sum of your experiences with, and feedback from, others such as your family, friends, colleagues, strangers, enemies, social media, etc contributes to this image.
External views infuse your self-image. For example, if you’re told your whole life that you’re selfish, you tend to see yourself as selfish. This can be true even if you know, to the contrary, that you have committed countless generous acts throughout your life.
Of course, you can never know with certainty what others are thinking. Thus, your self-image is some imagined version of what you think others think. Moreover, what you imagine is heavily conditioned by your thoughts, beliefs, and evaluation of yourself in the first place.
Self-Identity Definition
Self-identity is also a social construct. However, in contrast to your self-image, it’s based on personal and professional attributes, social roles, traits, titles, interests, and capabilities that describe yourself to the outside world. And, It can encompass perceptions of your values, personality, and relationships.
Self-identity can draw from how others might describe or classify you. You’re a teacher, a Democrat, a parent, a golfer, an American, etc. Self-Identity answers the question: “Who am I?” largely from others’ perspectives. And, it strongly influences your self-esteem because the two derive from how you behave as well as what you achieve, or don’t.
Sense of Self and Self Concept Definition
According to Psych Central, your sense of self “…is how you see yourself as a whole and…reveals your perspective of who you are and your intrinsic value.” Importantly, your sense of self derives from felt senses, notions, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. As such, it describes who you truly are or what’s also called your authentic self.
Having a sense of self defines how you perceive yourself, who you believe yourself to be, and how you value yourself intrinsically. It reflects how you assess or judge yourself whether the evaluation is positive or negative. And, it’s what distinguishes you from others.
Why Having a Strong Sense of Self Is Important
Your self-concept is particularly important because who you believe you are has profound implications for your self-trust, self-confidence, the choices you make, the responsibility you take for those choices, and the content of the life you lead.
It also affects where you place your focus (internally or externally), and how you resource yourself. Here, the word “resource” refers to the sources of information you rely upon and tap into to help you move through life. Self-resources are your bank of experiences, wisdom, skills, and attributes you draw from.
Psychologists argue that a strong sense of self can fortify you against criticism. This doesn’t imply wearing blinders. Rather, it means you can maintain faith in your self-worth whether you refute the criticism, pay heed, or accept it. Challenging experiences and lessons need not damage your sense of self. Instead, they have the potential to enrich it.
As noted, the sense of self and self-concept are essentially the same. I prefer the term”sense of self” because it rightly stresses sensing or using inner awareness to determine self in contrast to relying on an external evaluation, validation, or opinions.
In other words, it’s something you arrive at through sensing within you rather than thinking it through. And, it’s self-referent rather than externally assigned or derived.
Paths to Developing a Sense of Self
The phrase “develop a sense of self” is somewhat of a misnomer because every functional person has some sense of self. It may not be crystal clear, strong, or positive. Or they may rarely refer to it or largely ignore it. But it is there if they choose to turn inward.
More often people refer to their self-image or self-identity. And, they get caught up in and idolize how others show up and externally define themselves. Social media influencers are good examples.
But, the only person who truly knows you is you. And, you are the only person who can take responsibility for what you think and do. Therefore, a strong sense of self is paramount.
Two paths lead to greater clarity, depth, and strength of your self-awareness. Thus they help you build a strong self-concept.
Listen to the Inside
The first path is to turn inward, sense into your body, and notice how it responds to the current situation, different choices, future goals, and action plans. Note how your posture changes as well. Listen to what your body or body-mind has to say.
Shift Your Brain State
The second is intentionally shifting your brain state from Beta to Alpha, Theta, etc. to open yourself to more of what your whole self experiences and knows.
12 Ways to Develop a Sense of Self
To know yourself, you must do more than think about it. Do more than think about yourself, your life, and your circumstances. Get beyond your analytical head-brain and use your whole brain (both your head-brain and body-brain). Employ these practices, and take the steps you can. This will help you get to know yourself and live your life from a more conscious, personal, and empowered place.
Slow Down and Declutter Your Life
Slowing down and decluttering gives you space to be with yourself, pay attention, and get to know who you are underneath it all.
- Learn a few short breathing and meditation practices that you can use anywhere. Your breadth can immediately ground you and bring you back to your center. It can clear your mind and induce relaxation very quickly.
- Find time in your day to let your mind wander and daydream.
- Cultivate presence. Even small moments of presence (a pause) can help. Moreover, the pause opens you to many more options, ways to respond, and actions to take.
- Practice self-care regularly. Do whatever works for you regardless of what others do. Some examples of what you consider self-care could be more relaxation, fresh air, spending time in nature, exercise, or bodywork such as massage.
- Develop a regular meditation practice. Shift your brain state and focus by exploring the different types of practices. Try guided meditations developed for specific purposes that appeal to you.
- Reduce your consumption of social media. Try setting blocks of time when you’ll abstain from engaging. Stop seeking advice and validation from people you don’t know. Try to answer your questions on your own. Then consult social media if you’re unsatisfied with your results or just curious.
Reflect
Reflecting helps you better understand yourself, your circumstances, motives, challenges, and opportunities. Modern culture and lifestyles are packed with activities and distractions. Because of this, you need to make time for the important process of reflection.
- Take time to think on your own. Get curious about yourself, others, events, things, etc. Try out different perspectives and “what ifs.”
- Journal. Describing situations is great. Write about your strengths, challenges, values, likes, dislikes, interests, and goals for today and throughout your life. Revisit your younger self and what she was like. Ask yourself questions, explore your emotions, challenge your opinions, identify some lessons, and summarize occasionally.
Turn Inward and Get to Know Your Inner Self
Ninety to 95 percent of brain activity is held within the subconscious. However, not all of this activity is accessible to the conscious mind. But the portion that makes up a significant portion of the full intelligence is accessible to you. To access your embodied cognition:
- Practice interoception or sensing within yourself and throughout your body. Listen to your gut and heart center. Explore what you notice. Can you understand what your body is trying to communicate to you? Are you willing to follow the wisdom of your body-mind? It shapes your life
- Interpret your dreams and consider incorporating what you learn from them into your waking life.
Be Yourself, Whoever That Is In the Moment
- Set personal boundaries. Monitor if, when, and why you let them down. Learn to protect them. Reflect on what you discover about yourself in the process. Journaling is an excellent tool for reflection and monitoring your progress toward personal development goals.
- Shamelessly be the best version of you, whoever that is right now.
Knowing the Self is a Solo Journey
Not all of these options will necessarily appeal to you and that’s fine. Work with those that do. But, stretch yourself and learn more about yourself by experimenting with those that don’t.
Getting to know yourself better and developing a strong self-concept takes time. It’s your choice how you do it. It’s your process of self-discovery.
As you cultivate a strong sense of self and likely confront some challenges along the way remember it’s a foundation for greater authenticity, self-trust, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. The work and dedication is well worth it.
